The Art of Breaking Up With Your Problematic Fav
I’ve always said that I’m nobody’s fan. A phrase that’s dripping with ego and needs to be dealt with at a later time. I would look down from my high horse when folks would learn of their favs being embroiled in scandals. I would sit on the sidelines with my popcorn and watch the cognitive dissonance blossom. Occasionally chiming in only to dip back out before I the conversation got to deep for me. Smh and scrolling by the online train wrecks. As, yet another scandal regarding RKelly pops up, I feel the same way as I did the last time he was on some shit, disgusted and yet not invested in the man. I was always a bit removed from the world until the issue hit home and one of my favs got outta pocket. Ms. Erykah Badu not only supported RKelly with love and a pretty lofty accolade she later went on the make remarks regarding little gyrls being responsible for tempting men. This struck me to my core. Even though I was appalled, and hurt, my love of her art never compelled me to defend her. I never tried. Instead I followed every conversation and read every think piece looking for someone to come at an angle that would make this alright. Like, surely we misinterpreted her. She ended up doubling down and defending her position on little gyrls and I knew I had to let her go.
As I think about how fucked up it felt, I am forced to realize that I am a fan and being a fan is some serious shit. Music is a powerful form of art. People literally can feel it. Artists reach inside of you and make you move whether you want to or not. Music makes you cry, fall in love, inspire you, makes you nostalgic and every other emotion there is that create a soundtrack to your life. So ultimately you develop a relationship with with that artist. You want to know about them. You follow them on social media. You may even repost pics of their kids as if they were your relatives. How a person feels about an artist goes beyond just a tune. The music become part of that person. It’s personal.
But as with any relationship, when that other person does something unacceptable, you have to break up with them. You can’t just keep reminiscing about when times were good. You can’t just keep trotting out that great birthday present they got you that one time and forget what is going on now. You have to let them go for your own good. Your own sense of self. Now I totally understand, as a person who’s stayed in a relationship a lot longer than I should have, that no one is going to leave before they’re ready to and not a minute sooner. So I’m not here to tell anyone to move on. Because I know you wouldn’t anyway. However, when you are ready, I have a few suggestions of how to get over your favourite musician after a devastating break-up.
When I was ready to leave my love badulla oblongata, I thought that I would never love again. We all feel that way, don’t we? But time heals and being active in your healing helps. Here are a few places to start.
- Cut off Contact
Every time the topic of that artist comes up, don’t engage and certainly don’t start thinking about all the songs that you liked that they’ve done. - Date Around
You know they say, ‘the best way to get over someone is to get up under someone else. Try music internet dating. The inter-webs is littered with new artists and old artists that have perfected their craft that haven’t quite gone mainstream. Ask for suggestions. Listen to others’ playlists. Sign up to a music service. Get on YouTube. Look around and just let the music play. - Go Out To Music Festivals
Festivals that have multiple artists are a good way to discover someone new. And you get a chance to check them out live. That’s where the real talent lives. - Give that Friend a Chance
We all got friends in real life or online that are aspiring artists. Now’s the time to go on and click that Soundcloud link. You might be surprised. - Look Toward the Future and Don’t Look Back
I know it feels like you’ll never find another like that one you lost. You don’t believe you’ll be able to step in the name of love again but I promise you will. Of course, you’ll occasionally reminisce about a tune and hum but it won’t feel the same. The enjoyment is definitely different. You can walk away ad keep the positive memories but leave them where they are. You are evolving and those old ideas can no longer serve you.
as an artist, I will always love that woman who voiced my truth “I’m an artist and I’m sensitive about my shit”. Unfortunately, I’m more sensitive about pedophilia so she’s cancelled along with her brother r.kelly and I’m looking for a new love. I’m letting her go and I sincerely hope the rest of you can let him go.
